Marauders
Marauders 'is an action adventure film directed by Brendan. Plot Stock Indiana Jones ripoff. York, who is named after New York (get it? Because Indiana Jones is named after Indiana, an American state?) goes to a temple. The temple is full of super dangerous death traps that were designed by a literal psychotic, such as a huge rock that is abnormally spherical and rolls down a higher floor to chase after York (oh look they had that in Indiana Jones). Then York finds a fellow archaeologist but his face melts. Of course, York finds a statue, which he is able to get by swapping it with a bag of coins. But it weighs too little and causes an army of American Indians and Nazis to fall from the ceiling, before exploding into big balls of gore. 10/10 IGN. But wait there's even more to discuss. York reveals his face and by extension his personality; he's a cynical bastard who snarks at the most serious discussions. He also knows every language and can kill anyone with guns or his own fists. York puts on a fedora and gets out a whip, and he starts beating the daylights out of anything he can find with it. Then York travels back to his university, which is represented by a map with a red line moving across it placed over stock footage of vehicles and famous landmarks. York is revealed to be a professor, and teaches his students about why he uses a bullwhip instead of guns, claiming that it's to keep a PG rating. Suddenly, one of his students has sexual intercourse with York. Angered, the woman gets beaten with a whip repeatedly, until her face is bleeding like there's no tomorrow. York goes on a quest to locate the golden fleece, and meets a woman he immediately falls in love with. However, she screams at everything, gets mad at everything, and is more irritating than Jar Jar Binks and Gollum combined. Suddenly, a ton of insane stuff happens as John Williams' ''Raiders March plays. At the end everyone explodes into gigantic cubes of flesh which get graphically devoured by maggots and flies before fungus forms on them and consumes the chunks and leaves nothing left but dried blood and bones. Cast * Paul Wesley as Gordon "York" Smith, an anthropology mastermind who commonly embarks on deadly missions to obtain ancient relics. * Brett Dalton as Emile Smith, York's evil twin and an excavator, who is hired by ISIS. * Amala Paul as Sandra Samira, the lively, strong girlfriend of York. * Pe'er Tasi as Muhammad Yoni, a Persian archaeologist and friend of York. * Jason Sudeikis as Ali Zaid, an Iraqi agent and York's adversary, who torments Samira for the headpiece. * Emilio Estevez as Harrison Buchanan, a curator who purchases his relics off of York. * Charlie Hunnam as Colonel Bernard Olavi, a callous Iraqi soldier leading Emile's mission. * Atticus Mitchell as Achille, one of York's tour guides through the amazon. * PewDiePie as Captain Alvin Bongo, sailor of the Manica. * Noah Reid as Abraham Lucien, Colonel Olavi's righthandman. * Matt Bomer as Ralf, one of York's guides through Peru. * Ralph Fiennes as General Sacheverell, an ISIS hired soldier. * Sean Marquette as Major Gerrard, an ISIS hired soldier. Parent's Guide '''Sex & Nudity 4/10 * A woman's body can be seen through a wool dress. * The film's villain watches a woman change into a formal dress. However, we only see her silhouette in the mirror as she takes off her bra. * The two leads have sex (we see them in bed, and then the scene ends as they kiss and the blankets move). In the morning, after the sex, we can tell they are not wearing any clothing, though she is covered by the bed sheets. * We see the non-sexual nudity of an Indian village. Violence & Gore 10/10 * A man has his arms ripped by a death trap off-screen; we see his gory remains in a "jump scare". There are arrows going through his head, and his body. It is graphic, and bloody, but we see it for about a second. * During a bar fight, a man is shot in the torso, with spurting blood pouring down his chest. Another man is shot in the back of the chest and blood dribbles through his shirt. * In a market fight, a man is run through with a blade and then apples, cherries, and fish, we see the fruit falling off the sword as it is pulled back through the man. * A man is shot while driving a truck, it shows a close up of his fingers covered in blood, and the wound. * A big thug is decapitated by a spinning propeller, we see the body and the head chopped off, but we do not see blood. * A truck driven off an extremely high cliff, and the corpses of the men in it are flailing alongside the vehicle as it falls. * A man is shown being run over by a car, blood splattering over the front and rear tires. * Twice in the movie decayed corpses are shown. They are extremely scary and super disturbing. * The end scene is scary and graphic. A man's chest melts completely on screen with blood, and weird white stuff melt off his shirt, another man's chest shrivels up with blood coming on the shirt, and another man's chest completely explodes on screen. Blood splatters. The rest of the troopers have freeze blasts struck through their bodies. Profanity 5/10 * 2 uses of Jesus as a swear word. 1 use of F**k. 2 uses of w***e. 2 uses of a*s. 2 uses of Bulls**t. Many uses of S**t and Crap. Drinking/Drugs/Smoking 5/10 * York is shown drinking in a bar with a monkey. Men in a bar are seen smoking bongs. Sandra is shown smoking marijuana once and drinking in two other situations. A soldier is shown snorting, where after he throws the remaining cocaine in a pipe on a ship. Frightening/Intense Scenes 10/10 * The first scene is fairly scary and violent, where York finds a man with spears through his corpse and runs from a moving spiked ball, among other things. * We see ghosts flying around in the clouds. A female ghost with an extremely cute face flies up on center screen. Then, on center screen in an instant, she and all of the other adorable ghosts turn into extremely horrifying creatures symbolizing murder and brutally kill all of the bad guys. A man's chest explodes (blood splatters everywhere). A man's chest melts through his shirt and we see his entrails roll out, another has his chest shrivel up and blood spilling out, and another man's melts with a lot of blood staining his shirt. The horrible creatures then fire freezing bolts that murder all of the other villains. They turn into cute ghosts again and reenter the Treasure Chest. This scene is quite disturbing, gory and violent. * York and Sandy are shown trying to escape from a room while huge snakes are threatening their lives. * Zombies are scary. * Despite the PG-13 rating, parents should think of this as R. 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